Ever since I felt that spark in my heart the first time I fell in love, I always thought that having someone in your life was the best thing that can happen to you. I thought that having someone to exchange good mornings and good nights was cute and having a love story to share with your friends would make you look cool. I honestly enjoyed giving so much love to someone else. I don’t even deny the fact that having someone to talk to until you fall asleep and be there for you when you need someone to make you feel safe and special was the most intensely passionate experience I ever had. If I was the clock master, I would definitely freeze the time and create a loop of those happy moments. Unfortunately, time doesn’t stop and moments will eventually turn into memories. Hence memories it remained. So I began my journey as a single lady.
After spending enough time alone, I realized countless benefits that I can enjoy while I’m single. Instead of being a damsel in distress, I looked at things on a different lens. Instead of being my old self and start dating again to help me move on faster, I embraced the fact that I am not ready to be in a new relationship yet. Instead of trying to survive being alone, I learned to love being alone and that doesn’t mean I’m lonely. This thinking made me convince myself that I don’t need anyone to make me feel happy at the moment. I realized that my happiness should not depend on someone else and I should never try to make a square fit a circle.
Having my own way and living at my own terms opened more doors. I have never been so proud of myself because I am able to stand on my own independently now. I have all the luxury to explore the world and meet new people. It’s definitely a new way of life and thinking that I never imagined could have happened to me. Reminiscing the past, I admit that I’m guilty for giving more love to someone else than myself. I was a robot who was programmed with a template to make someone stay and love me too. I grew to a person almost unrecognizable to my own self. This was a mistake I kept repeating over and over again because I never gave myself time to breathe, think and live alone.
Love really is an enchanting bliss that can make you sacrifice everything to make it last. I understood that before I give love away again, I need to love my whole being first. I’m not just saying this because it was told to me by mom, friends or Google said so. I came in to terms with myself that I need to know myself and accept my flaws to attract the right kind of love. Having all these realizations and being able to have a full grip of my life is actually the best feeling I ever had. Learning to love yourself would definitely take time but always remember that it’s the best gift that you can give yourself.