– Alexander Smith
Falling in love
Love was the sweetest thing when I first felt it again a few months ago. Before completely diving in to the relationship, a mind full of doubts haunted me for nights. Will this relationship work? Should I trust him? Will I give my all? Will he break my heart? But before I even got all the answers to my questions; the next thing I knew, I’ve fallen hard for him.
On our first month, I felt like a queen being pleased and loved by a king. I felt safe in someone’s arms once again. It felt so good to be true until promises were made. We stitched all our promises into our relationship giving each other the assurance that we were not gonna break the stitches after putting so much effort in it. Months went by and we’ve grown comfortable with each other. I felt so overwhelmed with how fast and perfect everything went and how my family and friends accepted him despite all the warnings I got before we even started. I was never the type to openly share my love life online, but he was an exception. I was never into younger guys, he was an exception. I got so obsessed with the feeling of having someone to hold on to in times I needed warmth in my life. I was so into the idea of being able to share my secrets and worries to someone without the fear of being judged. I was so proud to show everyone how happy I was having to hold his hand. All these and my thirst to feel and be loved was given to me.
Falling in love however has its own consequences. Falling in love doesn’t mean that everything will go easy as expected. In a relationship, you will deal with numerous untold storms. It’s a bittersweet kind of experience and once you’re hooked by love, you would either end up choking yourself from all the pain or fill yourself with happiness wishing it will never end.
Falling out of love
Love has disappointed me in countless ways. I’ve been cheated on, lied to and taken advantage of. Despite all these, I still chose to believe in love and trust over and over again that it will never break my heart. As cliché as it may sound, I’m still waiting for the right love to come and for the right man to sweep me off my feet.
As much as I wanted love to stay, the day finally came that I had to deal with myself again. I had to get used to taking care of myself without expecting someone to be there for me. I had to find ways to cut the routine I had months ago with him and build a new one for myself. I had to get used to the fact that I can never call him mine anymore. I had to stop myself countless times not to check his social media pages anymore. All these struggles and pain I had to deal by myself.
On the brighter side of falling out of love, it opened a lot of doors for me. Forgiving the love that didn’t stay helped me move forward and appreciate life alone. I slowly realized that I don’t need someone to make me feel complete. I realized that I can survive everyday without someone wishing me a great day ahead because I know I’ll have a good one. I realized that I don’t need someone to tell me that I look good because I know I do. I realized that I don’t need to fall for all the sweet talkers because I know the truth. I realized that I don’t need to enjoy the bar and dance with someone because I know I can dance and have fun independently. I realized that I can be okay on my own.
Being in love doesn’t always mean you need to fall in love with someone to feel loved. When I fell out of love from my past, I fell in love with my self more. No, I’m not conceited. Loving myself means I know what I really want and deserve. Loving myself means I respect my whole being so I know the right respect that needs to be given to me. Loving myself means I will never ever allow someone to make me feel bad and break my heart again.